GREAT SAYINGS OF BUM MEN
Gorman : Wait till we get you in the K. of C's.
Vermuelen : Cut out that old stuff.
Slowie : Flop my frame, big boy.
Hickey : Damn it, I wish I had some hair.
O'Donnell : Very astute!
Red Feeney : Varsity in the pink of…
AS HEARD IN THE SMOKER
Jew Murphy : "What is a gollywhopper?"
Sheehan : "A gollywhopper, according to the Encyclopedia Bullconica, is a species
of humdinger, descendant of the whangdiodle and cousin of an icthyosaurus."
AH, ALSENE, YOU HAVE…
They strolled through the woods in the height of their
When full on her lips he planted a—bon-bon.
He gazed in her eyes and noted their charm,
As deftly he slipped 'round her slim waist an—apron.
He noted the green grass—it formed a…
To be or not to be? That is the question which confronts the minds of the youthful
citizen of today. Those who think it ought to be ; why? And those who think it
ought not to be. Why not? To those who say that it should be ; why should it be?
THE DOWNFALL OF FELIX
There was a tumult in the gym,
The mighty Shirk was on a tear ;
And the mighty one was craving
Just one grasp at Elmer's hair.
Elmer and his pal, Eugene,
Had braved the wrath of Mr. Shirk,
Then the Captain put on steam,
Then at Elmer he extended
One large and grimy paw,
But Bruhn's clever and hard hitting
Played sweet music on Shirk's jaw.
Felix then returned to Dreamland,
Where no Elmer and no 'Gene
Could disturb his peaceful slumber,
Could upset his life…
As I sit here and think
Of The numerous excuses
Which Come to my mind
For Sleeping over mornings,
And Flow sorry
I Am for the poor fellow
Who Hasn't an excuse,
I Feel inclined
Some Of that knowledge
To These forlorn ones.
Quite So, Watson, Quite So
Sternberg : "Behold me in the flower of manhood."
Murphy : "Yes, you blooming idiot."
Too Good for Some
Fottrel : "I wonder why they hung that picture?"
Nolan : "Perhaps they couldn't find the artist."
THE MESSAGE ON THE TELEPHONE
The night was dark and cold and the wintry blasts without told woeful tales of
death and destruction. The factory districts were in a turmoil due to the recent wave
of strikes and race riots. The Toonerville police force…